A Malaysian Life

*Please take this post with a pinch of salt. There may be no truth to it, there may be fact in it, but nothing is definitive in a story.

There comes a time in many people’s life when they feel that they can’t continue on living, when they feel that it is best to simply let go. Mine came a few months ago when I underwent surgery.

It was a minor operation, nothing to worry about. The nurses prepped me up and I was administered an anesthetic, nothing I wasn’t used to from other earlier operations. What was different, though, was when I woke up.

In the past, whenever I woke up from surgery, the feeling was grogginess, distortion, basically like how Rip van Winkle would feel after all those years of sleeping. This time, however, before I even fully woke up, I remembered hearing the nurse coaxing me, talking to me. “You can’t do this. Don’t be like this.”

I was confused, not being fully awake. It was a few seconds later when my brain finally caught on and I realized…I was crying.

There was no pain so there was no reason for tears. It was a minor operation so there were no emotions involved. It was only later when I realized why I was crying.

I didn’t want to wake up.
I didn’t want to wake up to this life ever again.