A Malaysian Life

So long, father time of 2008. It’s been a blast but you know how it is, out with the old, on with the new. Oh, hello, cute little baby 2009. What an adorable thing you are, filled with youth and a fresh beginning. We’re gonna have so much fun, yes, we are. Ok, I know I’m talking gibberish. Could be all the partying and the high of a new year.

Anyway, 2008 is gone and I have to say that I’m happy and sad to reach a new year. Happy ‘coz, well, hopefully the new year will bring more to life. Sad ‘coz, well, it’s a whole new year, the past is gone, I’m getting older (NOOOO!!!). But there’s something about odd-numbered years that I just don’t like, and I have no idea why. I hope the year would go well though.

2008 was a year of joy and pain for me, as I’m sure was the same for most people. Some of the miseries I faced were hurtful but they always had a silver lining behind them if I took the time to look through them.

I broke away from one relationship, which was bittersweet, but found someone else. I lost contacts with many people, which I have to say is a blessing in disguise because it helps to ease the tension I have always felt being among them. I discovered that a family member attempted to take advantage of my kindness many, many times, but I became more assertive towards this person because of it. I discovered that another family member couldn’t keep their nose out of my personal life and I warned the rest of the family of this busybody so as to safeguard their own personal details from this particular person. Also, I closed my business and moved to another premise, which was a big relief.

2008 was also a year of many happiness. My young cousin got married, and in a wedding very close to what she has wished for. Another cousin has fallen in love, finally, after years of being hounded by weird (and I DO mean weird) guys. My sister-in-law gave birth to a lovely baby girl, on the 8th of August 2008 mind you, and no, it wasn’t a Caesarean birth. I went to the first Formula One night race in Singapore (woohooo!!!). I managed to travel to a lot of places this year, my favourite being Pulau Tioman. And I finally got a new laptop (an Apple Mac!!! Wheee!!!).

Truth be told, I find 2009 a little bit daunting, I’m not sure why though. Actually, alot of people I talked to believe that this new year is going to be either a busy or a problematic year. I’m feeling that skittishness too, but hopefully, nothing too dramatic will happen this year. However, I have to be prepared for loads of weddings this year. There are already three weddings that I know of and it’s still only the first week of the year!!

Oh, yeah, I almost forgot one of the most important things. With every new year comes that dreaded question; What’s your new year’s resolution? Well, I’m pleased to say that I really kept my resolution last year, which was to take as many photos as possible, and the amount of photo albums I have in my Facebook is proof of that. For this year, I’m still keeping to a simple and achievable resolution and I have made up my mind to…..(drumroll)…..write as much as possible. You see, I love writing, whether it’s stories, fiction, a monologue, scripts or blogs. I used to write alot back in my high school and university days but I noticed that going into the business world just kills your creativity. I haven’t wrote a decent writing in so long, I forgot the feeling when you get so caught up with your characters, as though you’re living their life right beside them. I finally got the inspiration for a story and I hope to at least keep at it until it’s done, instead of writing half-way. So good luck to me keeping my resolution and good luck to you in keeping yours.

There’s another resolution I should make for this year but I am unsure if it’s possible to maintain. I haven’t done it for a long time back in 2008, which was quite a record given my history, and I hope that this record remains unbroken for 2009. There were times when I’ve forgotten that I had this habit and at times, in certain lighting when the scars can be seen, the memories of each of those scars flooded into my mind. Hopefully it’s gone for good this time but I think I’ll keep to only one resolution for now.

No matter what happens this year, I hope that it will be a memorable one. I know that Malaysia will face some drastic changes this new year but I’m sure the rakyat (countrymen) can handle them, with decency and logic, I pray. Let us hope for the best this year, filled with enough happiness to keep us living but with enough sorrow to keep us humble.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

“AHHH-CHOOO!!!”

The loud sneeze traveled into the living room where my mom sat on the floor, riffling through bags of clothes, papers and old tubes of lotions.

“You better wear a mask,” she called out to me. “You’ve been sneezing non-stop.”

I sniffled and promptly let out another unfeminine blast for the umpteenth time. I was in the study/store room of the house, which was almost choked full of dust and ’stuff’ (my polite word for junk) that we don’t even know what’s in it anymore. A few days ago, I had this brilliant idea of finally cleaning out the room of its ‘indigestion’. Today, with my head throbbing, my nose sniffling and my throat sore from inhaling all the dust, I’m not so sure that I’m as smart as I think I am.

My mom, bless her heart, is an active charity-giver. She loves helping out her selected orphanage and frequently donates used clothes, toys and neccessities to the home. Unfortunately, whatever she collects from other people (boxes and bags of old items) are brought into the house, which are then disposed of into the study room, which is why the word ’store’ has been added to the room’s name.

And so, I kidnapped my young cousin to help me sort out the stuff, setting aside whatever my mom’s orphanage will not use, such as revealing clothes, into one pile and throwing whatever that is truly ‘a gone case’ (torn clothes, broken toys) into a transparent bag for the garbage-collectors. The thing is some of the stuff we were sorting out were actually our own toys, knick-knacks and clothes way back from our younger days.

As I pulled out some soft toys, I saw a toy guitar which my mom had bought for me and I held on to it for a while. I was thinking, “Oh, my mom bought this for me. I should keep it.” In the next instance though, I was shaking my head vigorously and told myself, “No, no, no! No holding on to sentimental value.”

You see, this is where my mom and I differ. My mom is the type who would hold on to something for so long because it reminds her of the past, and I’m not talking about a family heirloom or an item that signifies a specific memorable time. I’m talking about old magazines from the 80s, old empty lotion tubes, clothes that don’t even fit her anymore, those kind of stuff. My mom is a person who loves to say “Keep that. We can use it for (insert reason here).” No matter what it is, be it baggy clothes or old telephones, she’ll always think that it can be used when people come over, when we have a gathering, or incase of emergency.

My young cousin was facing the same ordeal as she slowly looked through her old Barbie dolls and cooking set. Though she was tempted several times, she repeated my sentence ‘No sentimental value’ and in the end, only took one small Pooh bear back with her.

I noticed that whenever most people spring clean their house, it’s always a battle to get rid of stuff. They are emotionally tied to their teddy bears which gave such comfort to them, to their high school textbooks that offered so much knowledge, even to their numerous coffee cups stained with the brown liquid. Because of what it represents, the owner finds it hard to let go. I was once just like that, but I learned from my aunt that you have to be ruthless when it comes to cleaning.

For clothes, any item that you haven’t worn in 6 months should be given away. For books, any title that you find even the least bit uninteresting should be recycled. The rule to cleaning is actually pretty simple; anything you don’t use, chuck it aside. It’s best to have someone who is firm with you when you clean because that someone will be asking, “Do you really need that?” and “Don’t you think it will be beneficial to someone else?” It will hurt to part with your stuff at first, but the feeling after the cleaning is of pure relief. It feels like a weight is off your shoulder. It feels like you can breathe in deeper. In the most basic sense of it all, it feels so much more spacious.

So, when you’re doing your spring cleaning, remember two simple rules; (1) Be ruthless, and (2) Throw/give away anything you haven’t used in a long while. Once you have hypnotized your brain into thinking that way, you most likely won’t have any problems differentiating junk and treasure.

No, this is not the sequel to ‘Meet Joe Black’ or a Malaysian version of it. This is an introduction to someone I truly respect and admire, someone who overcame hurdles and rocky roads to chase after a dream that many have said to be impossible and nonprofitable.

Confident, forever optimistic and incredibly daring, Sean Yap realized, one day, that life was too short to waste and decided to pursue his dream of becoming an actor…..and has never looked back since. Dragging himself out from the rat race a few years ago, he took some time out for his dream and took acting classes. There he learned the basic skills that every budding actor needs in order to penetrate the tough, and often fickle, industry.

Now, we have heard and seen many people who often say that they want to pursue a certain dream but in the end, they often do not, mainly because of discouragement from others and because of lack of motivation and inspiration. Many also like to claim that they are too old to achieve their dream, but Sean does not let age, inexperience nor discouraging words deter him from his acting. If achieving your dream was easy, then it wouldn’t be so special, would it?

It wasn’t that simple to enter the acting world but making friends during his classes helped him to meet other people in the industry, and soon he landed a role in the first short film I have seen him in; Unsecured Loan.

Sean Yap played the lead character, Brian, who borrowed money from the triads. Because of his close relationship with the head of the triads, Brian thought he would be given special treatment…..he was wrong.

It was a flurry of activity after his acting debut and Sean continued going to one audition after another, getting offer after offer, and continuously traveled to Singapore where most of the shoots and auditions were held. Below are some of the films he has acted in; playing an undercover policeman in The Investigators, a mortician in Meet Charles Young, a man with amnesia in Crash, and a serial killer in Emperor, the prequel to Unsecured Loan.

Also, watch out for his performances as a widower in Mary-Jane, a psychic in Anything Whatever TVC - ‘Ah Gong & Prof DD’, an antagonist in Mnemonic, John Doe in Battery, and a commanding officer in the virtual world film Imaginator. All the films in bold red are still in post-production.

Aside from short films, he also dabbled in stage plays such as a singing extra in Tunku the Musical and as a sexually abused brother in The Two Brothers. Not all his roles were lead or big enough to take note of. Sometimes one has to be humble and take less than desirable roles in order to gain more experience and knowledge (hence the saying, ‘There are no small roles, only small actors’). Sean had a small gig as an illegal car park attendant in the television program, 3R, and as a ‘colleague’ and ‘doorman’ in the corporate video, Singapore Foreign Affairs. He also managed to land some TV roles, playing the bartender Bobby in episode 7 of NTV7’s Frontpage, a lawyer in episode 8, 9 and 10 in AstroRia’s Lima as well as an abusive father in Singapore Success Stories: Mary Chai.

It just goes to show that anyone, regardless of age and ability, can achieve their dream. They only have to take that first step to start the journey and then keep on going and gain the momentum needed until finally reaching the pinnacle. The dream can still continue on even after that, but only if you want to.

For Sean, although there were times when he lost his inspiration, he still pushed himself to go on because he knows he can do it, because there are still lots of opportunities. He is still going strong.

“I don’t think I want to get married.”

I looked up from my book and stared at my cousin, my eyebrows slightly raised. It was a surprise coming from her. I have always thought that marriage was a big issue for her.

“Ok,” I started slowly, putting my book down on the bed. “Why this all of a sudden?”

 ”I don’t know. I feel like there’s too many problems. I mean, not only are there all the issues with the wedding itself but there’s also the insecurities after marriage. Who knows if my husband will stay loyal  to me. And what about the in-laws? What if they pretend to like me but after we get married, they’ll start treating me badly?”

There it was, I thought to myself. The dreaded word when one talks about marriage; in-laws.

I come from a family where, unfortunately, the in-laws are not exactly the nicest of people. Yes, yes, I’m sure that there are many people who married into perfectly nice and warm-loving families. I know some of my friends and family did, but if you knew the horror stories we have  seen and heard, you’ll know why in-laws are often referred to as ‘monsters-in-law’.

Anyway, just to summarize a little bit about my family’s in-laws (just so you know that _I_ know what I’m talking about), here’s the synopsis. The siblings of the in-laws were all nice and friendly in front of our faces but once our backs are turned, the slander and bad-mouthing start. Partly because of their interference and story-telling, my parents are now separated. May their black souls be condemned to hell for all eternity.

So, back to my post. Sometimes I think, in my humble opinion, the family that we are marrying into expects too much from the new-comer, be it man or woman. It is a little daunting to be setting such a high level on someone who’s not from the family and who’s only starting to learn the family’s ways. It’s somewhat like expecting a newly graduated business student to write a business plan that is guaranteed to bring in a billion dollars. It’s one small step at a time, just like how babies start out.

There is another reason that may be the cause of rifts between the in-laws and the newcomer; jealousy. I’ve seen, in my own family, how just a little bit of attention can cause a person to turn into an evil green-eyed monster. Just because the parents-in-law like the newcomer’s cooking more or decided to give a present to the newcomer, the original sons and daughters, and sometimes even the other son and daughter-in-law, feel threatened. “Who does this person think he/she is, coming into the family and thinking he/she should get such attention?” It’s irrational, it’s immature, but yes, face the facts, it does happen.

I’m not trying to paint a bleak picture of marriage nor am I trying to discourage people from getting married but sometimes it is the in-laws who start the crumbling of the marriage. Like my mother often said, ‘When you marry, you’re not just marrying the girl/guy. You’re marrying their family, and their problems, as well’.

There are nice in-laws, like my sister-in-law’s family who are very close to each other and the newcomers, but it is your duty to figure out (1) if you want to marry into the family, whether they like you or not, and (2) if you can tolerate the family if they don’t like you. For example, one of my ex-boyfriend’s mom took him aside one day and asked him if he really wanted to marry someone with my kind of family background. What she said was, “Children usually follow their parents. If the parents are divorced or from a divorced family, most likely the children will repeat history in their own marriage.” Do I really want to have a judgmental mother-in-law who branded me without even knowing me indepth?

Not everyone is lucky enough to get in-laws that are warm and welcoming. Those who do, are indeed very lucky. Even luckier are those who have a spouse that believes in them, who stands up for them when confronted with the in-laws. My friend’s mom is lucky to have a husband who believes nothing his siblings tried to inform him of his wife, which were all exaggerated stories, slander and half-truths. He stood up for her because he knows her for who she is. After all, it is he who married her, who sees her everyday, who goes to bed with her every night, who talks to her about every little thing, who is taken care of by her, who went through tough and good times with her.

Pray that all goes well for you before and after marriage and pray that you will at least get along with your in-laws. If not, then try your best to stick through it all with patience and determined understanding. I hope all goes well.

Take the above quote from Shakespeare’s Hamlet to heart. Please. Even if you don’t read anything I’ve written so far, please just take this one advice from me.

Allow me to tell you a story.

Once upon a time, a young man named Fairus Saidon saw a girl in his new workplace at one of Malaysia’s telecommunication companies. He decided to get to know the girl and later made her his girlfriend. It all started well, the new couple seemed happy together. Then…he started asking her for money.

A few amount at a time, he asked for money to help with a business idea he had concocted, or so he claimed. He himself had no money as he was unemployed, having left the telecommunication company later on in the relationship, so the person he turned to continuously was his girlfriend. The girl loved him and so of course, she loaned him whatever amount he needed. After all, which girl wouldn’t want to help out her future husband, who had proposed to her in the first few months of the relationship?

And so hundreds of Ringgit turned into thousands and the amount would have kept increasing if Fairus Saidon hadn’t decided to leave the relationship when his girlfriend was having personal problems, leaving her high and dry while making a play for another girl.

One year plus has come and gone since then and he has yet to pay the amount he owed even though he had promised time and time again, only to deflect them all with excuses after excuses. “I have no money” and “I don’t have a job” are the most frequently used excuses and when those doesn’t work, he always turned to his anger and harsh words to scare off his ex-girlfriend from asking for, what is rightfully, her money.

The morale of the story? Never lend money and never borrow money unless you sincerely believe you will see the money again and unless you can pay off your loan. I have heard many stories of men and women alike who borrow or ask for money and were never seen again. These people are called parasites, they feed off your kindness and generosity but are never around when you are in trouble.

It’s a problem when you lend people money when you yourself are actually in need of that money. Never use your friendship or your trust in people as a collateral in money-lending, it costs nothing and often brings nothing in return.

It is true that money can break relationships. I myself have lost a friend because of money. I have heard of brothers and sisters fighting over their mother’s inheritance as she lay dying on her bed. I have read of partnerships crumbling to dust in a debate over company shares. I have seen perfectly logical and mature adults refusing to talk to each other for years all because of a sale of a piece of land.

So please, just take this quote to heart even if you don’t listen or read anything else. It will help you gain some peace of mind in this tumultuous world of life.

As I’m typing this post, it’s raining heavily outside. The sky has turned white with all the gathering rain clouds and occasionally, I can see a leaf being whipped around by the strong wind. In the background, the singing of Paramore’s ‘Decode’ from my laptop speakers mingles with the vague sound of thunder. Most people would be curled up in a cozy corner with a mug of coffee or hot chocolate and enjoying the hypnotic rhythm of rainfall. Me, I’m taking this moment to sit down and wonder…why isn’t my Internet connection stable?

Ever since this morning, my Internet has been screwing with me. When I awoke to discover that my laptop is disconnected from my network, I puzzled over this phenomenon. Shrugging, I simply restarted my router and my Mac’s AirPort. To my glee, I watched as the connection went through and opened up my Facebook as I always do in the morning. Suddenly, from the top right corner, an error message popped up to inform me that I have been disconnected. And so I restarted my router and AirPort again. And again, and again, until finally I left the bloody things and went out for lunch.

Now that I’ve returned, I thought, “Surely by now, the Internet is stable” and clicked on my connection. Yes, I can finally go online!!! Buuuuuuuut…no. Nope, once again, my connection has thrown me out of cyberspace on my butt. It seems to get this sick joy of seeing me happy and letting me open a few pages before kicking me out and watching my face fall in misery. Damn you, unstable connection. So now, I’m simply typing into my ScribeFire and refusing to open any Firefox page until I see that the connection remains online, or I’m going to slam the router into the ground.

Yeah, you might think, “Oh, my God. This girl can’t live without the Internet.” Hey, I resent that. I once went a whole week without Internet…’coz I was stuck in a place with absolutely no modem or computer whatsoever.

Sigh, maybe I should pick up one of my dusty books and settle down to read until Streamyx deems me worthy again to enter cyberspace.

To those who were old enough to remember, it was deja vu when news of the landslide in Bukit Antarabangsa spread out.

In the morning of December 6, 2008, (Saturday) at approximately 4 a.m., a landslide occurred in Bukit Antarabangsa, killing four people at the time of this post.

This landslide was about 1.5km from where one block of the Highland Towers condominium collapsed in 1993, which killed 48 people. I remember the incident as one of Malaysia’s worst and tearful episodes.

This landslide brought up bad and sad memories of those we lost back in 1993 and we are thankful that the death rate is low this time around. But you must start to question, how long more are we going to keep facing landslides that destroys human lives and homes?

Finger-pointing blame has already started with the people pointing to the government who in turn points to those who are in charge of approving and testing hillside residential projects. Placing the blame is all good and well to make people feel better but it’s not going to make things any better.

At this moment in time, The Star newspaper has reported that many who have been advised to evacuate their homes in areas of Bukit Antarabangsa have refused to move. Let’s just home that those who remain won’t face another landslide.

There comes a time in life when you feel the need to untie yourself from your mother’s apron strings and spread your wings out to fly to freedom. Well, there are also those who don’t ever feel the need but we’re not getting into that.

Anyway, for the past one week, I have looked through countless property and room-for-rent websites as well as property magazines and classified ads just to get a feel of the rental rates and the rooms available. I can tell you right now I never knew it was so hard to do that. Anyone who has gone through the same experience as me would know just how much time it takes to sort through all the places, picking a few that struck your fancy, comparing prices and neighbourhoods, calculating the distance between your new home and work, and many, many, MANY other decisions.

The thing is, it all sounds exciting when you’re thinking about moving out. But when you get further down the line, _after_ passing the thinking part and into the actual searching part, you’ll find that it’s a pretty serious decision. “Do you have enough money for rent” is the foremost question. You have to start planning your expenses to make sure there’s enough for rent, food, utilities, petrol and any other necessities. For those who are not serious (or not desperate enough to live on their own), the thought of all that money, planning and organizing will put them off the idea of leaving home.

When you finally do make the decision on getting your own pad, there’s the issue of getting the one that you want. Honestly, most real estate agents out there are only interested in one thing; their commission. There have been many stories, and I’ve experienced it once, of real estate agents who put up pictures of an apartment or house but when you make an appointment to view it, it turns out that the place is nothing at all like the images. And when you ask them, the answer is either, “Oh, that one got rented/sold so I thought I’ll show you something else” or “Oh, sorry, I accidentally put up the wrong pictures.” Be prepared to be plenty disappointed with many places and many agents as you go along on your quest for the perfect living place.

But seriously, finally getting your own place is definitely worth all the trouble you have to go through, even though you may have started out with a naive mind and a romantic idea of having a place of your own to do what you want and to decorate how you want.

To help you start, here are some questions you need to answer as you pick out your place:-
a) Landed property or apartment?
b) Buy or rent?
c) Are the quoted prices more than what you think the place is worth?
d) Do you have enough money to last you through your first year of living alone?
e) Is the neighbourhood to your liking i.e. cheap, quiet, close to work, close to convenience stores?
f) Can you stand to live with the current neighbours or roommates?
g) If you’re living with roommates, are there adequate privacy for you?
h) Are there any security i.e. home guards, nearby police station?
i) Are there any convenient parking spaces for your vehicle?
j) Is the chosen area properly maintained i.e. smooth roads, cleanliness?
k) Is the chosen area easy to access i.e. limited traffic jams, confusing roads?

All these questions and more may sound daunting but think them through properly and everything will work out. Always, always, ask for advice from those who have bought or rented their own place and ask them for their honest opinion of your choice. But remember that the final decision is yours and yours alone so make sure that you are happy ‘coz you’re the one who’ll be living there. Have fun.

*Please take this post with a pinch of salt. There may be no truth to it, there may be fact in it, but nothing is definitive in a story.

There comes a time in many people’s life when they feel that they can’t continue on living, when they feel that it is best to simply let go. Mine came a few months ago when I underwent surgery.

It was a minor operation, nothing to worry about. The nurses prepped me up and I was administered an anesthetic, nothing I wasn’t used to from other earlier operations. What was different, though, was when I woke up.

In the past, whenever I woke up from surgery, the feeling was grogginess, distortion, basically like how Rip van Winkle would feel after all those years of sleeping. This time, however, before I even fully woke up, I remembered hearing the nurse coaxing me, talking to me. “You can’t do this. Don’t be like this.”

I was confused, not being fully awake. It was a few seconds later when my brain finally caught on and I realized…I was crying.

There was no pain so there was no reason for tears. It was a minor operation so there were no emotions involved. It was only later when I realized why I was crying.

I didn’t want to wake up.
I didn’t want to wake up to this life ever again.

Sometimes I wonder…

Why are there times in life when we feel at a lost? I don’t mean the lost of someone, but the feeling of not knowing what to do, where to go, who you are. It’s the feeling of aimlessness when you have no idea which direction to take.

When you really think about it, all our life, we have been taught, shown, even educated, on how life is suppose to be. From birth to school to work to family to God. It’s like everything is so clear-cut.

But what if you don’t want to go to school? Most parents think it’s better to work for/under someone, but what if you want to run your own business, even if it’s risky? What if you don’t want to have children, let alone get married? What then?

For some people, they may never have experienced this before. For others, it might be just a bump on the road until they get hit by their true calling. For the select few, this indecisiveness, this lost-in-every-direction, may be an everyday occurrence.

How long does it take before you realize what you want to do with life? It seems as though once you reached a certain age, you’re suppose to know what you’re going to do and how long you’re going to do it. Have you ever talked to some of those people who have everything in their life planned out? The reaction from them when they find out your life is totally unstable, a.k.a not what society expects, is mostly full of confusion and worry. “You’re 26. You should be having a stable income and planning to be married.” See what I mean about the clear-cut guide to life?

It’s funny how those who do not conform to this guide are seen as failures or rebels. My young cousin told me a story about a guy who wanted to be a singer so much, he quit his job, took voice lessons and was endlessly criticized. But…he managed to put out an album. My friend is in his 30s but that didn’t stop him from still pursuing his dream of becoming an actor.

When people hear the beginning of the stories, before the people in the stories became successful, they are full of scorn and disdain, and, forgive me for saying, this is extremely truthful among the adults, among those of the old decades.

It is so obvious that the generation of today and of the old are totally different. The current generation marry later, focuses more on career, are more open to risks and untraditional ideas. You’ll find that they are more people now who are openly unhappy with their current state of life, who wishes to take a different route even if it means having their close and loved ones argue with their choice.

It’s like that song ‘Everybody’s Free (To Wear Sunscreen)’ by Baz Luhrmann, “Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don’t.”

Maybe it’s ok to feel lost once in a while. Maybe it’s acceptable to not be one of the many sheep of life. Maybe, just maybe, feeling lost is absolutely normal. Maybe it’s time to sit back and re-evaluate the life you’re living now.

Oh, by the way, whenever you feel lost or sad or anything negative, it helps to listen to Baz Luhrmann’s song. I totally recommend it.