A Malaysian Life

Take the above quote from Shakespeare’s Hamlet to heart. Please. Even if you don’t read anything I’ve written so far, please just take this one advice from me.

Allow me to tell you a story.

Once upon a time, a young man named Fairus Saidon saw a girl in his new workplace at one of Malaysia’s telecommunication companies. He decided to get to know the girl and later made her his girlfriend. It all started well, the new couple seemed happy together. Then…he started asking her for money.

A few amount at a time, he asked for money to help with a business idea he had concocted, or so he claimed. He himself had no money as he was unemployed, having left the telecommunication company later on in the relationship, so the person he turned to continuously was his girlfriend. The girl loved him and so of course, she loaned him whatever amount he needed. After all, which girl wouldn’t want to help out her future husband, who had proposed to her in the first few months of the relationship?

And so hundreds of Ringgit turned into thousands and the amount would have kept increasing if Fairus Saidon hadn’t decided to leave the relationship when his girlfriend was having personal problems, leaving her high and dry while making a play for another girl.

One year plus has come and gone since then and he has yet to pay the amount he owed even though he had promised time and time again, only to deflect them all with excuses after excuses. “I have no money” and “I don’t have a job” are the most frequently used excuses and when those doesn’t work, he always turned to his anger and harsh words to scare off his ex-girlfriend from asking for, what is rightfully, her money.

The morale of the story? Never lend money and never borrow money unless you sincerely believe you will see the money again and unless you can pay off your loan. I have heard many stories of men and women alike who borrow or ask for money and were never seen again. These people are called parasites, they feed off your kindness and generosity but are never around when you are in trouble.

It’s a problem when you lend people money when you yourself are actually in need of that money. Never use your friendship or your trust in people as a collateral in money-lending, it costs nothing and often brings nothing in return.

It is true that money can break relationships. I myself have lost a friend because of money. I have heard of brothers and sisters fighting over their mother’s inheritance as she lay dying on her bed. I have read of partnerships crumbling to dust in a debate over company shares. I have seen perfectly logical and mature adults refusing to talk to each other for years all because of a sale of a piece of land.

So please, just take this quote to heart even if you don’t listen or read anything else. It will help you gain some peace of mind in this tumultuous world of life.

Sometimes wisdom comes from sources least expected, like this African kid, who wrote a simple yet insightful poem on racism, nominated by the UN as the best poem of 2006.

When I born, I black
When I grow up, I black
When I go in Sun, I black
When I scared, I black
When I sick, I black
And when I die, I still black

And you white fellow
When you born, you pink
When you grow up, you white
When you go in sun, you red
When you cold, you blue
When you scared, you yellow
When you sick, you green
And when you die, you gray

And you calling me colored?

Call me ignorant, call me weird, but until today, I never thought that people actually read my blog. Yeah, yeah, I can hear you saying, ‘But, Aslina, your blog is public. Of course people will read it if they see it’. But I never thought that my blog is interesting enough to make people want to spend time to wade through it. I mean, it’s all just babble and personal opinions, experiences and stuff. It’s not like I’m writing a new theory on galactic time-travelling, or how pink socks go so well with white shoes, or Britney Spears’s latest weird antics.

I used to keep diaries which I write in whenever I have something sad, happy or special to relate. But with technology, blogging was born and I converted from written paper to typed webpage. However, the major difference in my diary and my blog is the content. My diary is more of a personal day-to-day happenings while my blogs are more on my thoughts of life, hence the title ‘A Malaysian Life’.

When I first discovered blogging and how people from everywhere can gain access to it, I decided to blog only on general not-likely-to-get-trashed issues, and I decided to do it all anonymously (I had a blog elsewhere using a nickname). Why? Because people tend to misunderstand or misconstrue what is written and they tend to use the written word against the writer (just because it’s black and white), which usually ensues a giant fight later on (and in some cases, legal proceedings). But now, I decided ‘What the heck?’. In this age and time where people say whatever whenever, I might as well practice my so-called freedom of speech. My logic is if people can say hurtful things to my face, then I can write hurtful things to their webpages. That doesn’t make much sense, I know, but then again, when do I make actual sense? Hehe.

But thanks all the same for reading. I know you receive e-mails from Friendster whenever someone updates their blog, but for you to actually click the blog link and read the entry from start to finish is not something everyone would do. So from the bottom of my heart, thank you for reading.

We live in a world based on appearances.

I met up with some old ‘friends’ I haven’t seen in a while these past couple of months. And funnily enough, they all only had one thing to say when they first saw me.

All about how much weight I’ve gained.

I’m not really sure why people like to comment on other people’s weight when they haven’t seen each other in a while. What’s with the ‘Wah, fat already ah you’ trend that’s going around? What happened to ‘How are you?’ or ‘What have you been up to?’? Why does the first thing to come out from the mouth is on how much weight a person has gained? You won’t hear ‘Wah, you lost weight ah’ as much as ‘Wah, so ‘prosperous’ (fat) ah’.

There are sayings that those who like to comment on people’s weight are actually self-conscious of their own weight, and they are actually happy to see other people putting on layers of fat while they either stayed the same or lost some weight.

Having had an eating disorder before (I was anorexic), I know better than to mention ‘weighty’ issues, ‘coz I know personally how some people can feel and react to it. Though they usually smile or laugh with the other person, inside they actually feel down and they get self-conscious. You could say you have hurt their feelings, though intentionally or not, that’s your call ‘coz you should know.

At a recent wedding, I met an old friend of mine who has gained a considerable amount of weight. Though it’s hard not to take notice (I took a loooong look), what I did was hug her and asked how she was. No mention of weight whatsoever. The only time I would call attention to a person’s weight is when they are very, very, VERY thin. ‘Coz then I get worried.

Some people eat when they are stressed or depressed, which is still fine ‘coz at least they eat something, but for those who loses their appetite when faced with problems, they can actually destroy their body in the long run. When you don’t eat for long periods of time, your body will eat up your fats and once the fat is gone, it’ll start feeding on the rest of your body. Slowly your body will break down as your system shuts down one by one in order to save energy in a bid to survive. For more information, you can read up about anorexia and the effects it has on the body.

Anyway, back to the topic at hand. I’m getting quite sick of hearing the same thing over and over. I know I gained weight, you don’t have to tell me. It’s my body and as the owner, I should know what’s happening to it. Sorry that I’m not living up to your expectations of staying slim and thin all the time but instead of trying to live up to people’s mental image of me, I rather be myself. It’s not like I blew up into elephant size or anything. But if I ever do, then you have my permission to mention how gigantic I got.

Yesterday’s Star paper had an article on suicide by Dr Herbert Mandell, which listed down the reasons for suicide as well as its warning signs. It was an interesting read but what bugged me slightly was the sentence ‘it’s best to know the signs of danger’.

Truthfully, in the current world of stress, would anyone even notice signs such as ‘crying easily’, ‘exhaustion’, or ‘low self-esteem’, which to some people are common behaviour when dealing with problems and trials? In a society caught up in self-interest with people too busy going about their daily life, would anyone even care?

Some warning signs can be physically seen such as ‘change in appearance’, but there are some that are not ‘in your face’ or not noticable immediately, such as ‘decrease in grades’ and ‘diminished involvement in usual interests’. Usually when your grades drop, people would either scold you or tell you to work harder. You won’t see people looking at your low marks and commenting, ‘Are you thinking of committing suicide?’ As for the diminished interest in activities, people would usually assume that you’re too busy or simply lost interest.

Another warning sign is ‘creating artwork or writing or listening to music on death/dying’. Seriously, coming from an ex-suicidal person, when someone really wants to die, they would just go and do it. They won’t show their writings and artworks or leave it lying around. They would hide their intention from family and friends. Similar to anorexics who would bundle themselves in baggy bulky clothing to hide their skinny figure, force-vomit themselves in a locked and secluded toilet, and cunningly create excuses not to eat. They won’t admit they have a problem.

When you can actually see the signs, it means that the potential victim is actually seeking for help by telling you or subtly showing you that they are unhappy or unable to cope with life. They may talk or think about disappearing from the world, but really, they are scared. But like I mentioned before, how many people would actually notice these signs or take time to listen and understand what they are saying?

A few months back, there was another article on depression and suicide in The Star. The author stated that it is not the fault of the victim for feeling worthless, it is the fault of society who does not have any compassion or time to understand them. Once, someone confessed her intention to ‘disappear’ to a friend, however what she got drove her even further down the depression road. Basically, what the friend did was compare the problems of a suicidal person with the problems of a soon-to-be-wed person, and stated that ‘the wedding couple has even bigger problems than you’. So does that mean the person who wants to kill himself is secondary to one who is facing wedding preparations?

Society has gotten so used to death, what with all the reports of people murdering people and people hanging or killing themselves, that the news of suicide is no longer shocking or taboo. Last year, a group of Japanese students killed themselves in a mass suicide around the country. In Singapore, you’ll hear case after case of people hanging themselves due to numerous reasons such as debt, low grades and depression. In Malaysia, one suicide case among many was the Indian mother who positioned herself on the railway tracks with her children, awaiting an oncoming train.

The signs are there but would you be able to see or notice it? Even those who tried to let out their intention might not be able to get through to their close ones, unless they say outright ‘I want to kill myself’.

The lengths people go through to satisfy their thirst for revenge are limitless. Sometimes I wonder what this world is going to be like in the future with people like this in it.

You are not satisfied until you bring the person you target as low as you can, crumbling them to pieces that may never be properly fixed again. You laugh as they weep, you celebrate as they struggle, you go happily about your life as they attempt to crawl back up. Well, you seem to have forgotten something.

You think you’re so mighty, playing games with people’s heart and mind; you are not. You think you’re satisfied with your vengence; you’ll never be satisfied. You think that your target can’t harm you in return; they will, but it won’t be your target that will do something to you. It will be God.

You know who you are. Though you’re trying to take your target down in whatever way possible, keep in mind that one day the same thing you did to your target could happen to you. It’s karma. It’s the way of the world.

I only have one thing to say to you; you’re a coward. If you want to harm your target so badly, then do it to their face. You got something to say, then say it to their face. Hurting someone behind their back only confirms what type of person you really are. So either stop your wretched vengeful way or gather enough courage to face your target head on.

I pity you. Not the victim but the one causing the pain. I wonder how you can live with yourself.

After looking into things a little bit, I found out something interesting. Some people have been taking information on me, and what they could find from my Friendster, and have been handing these information down until they reached RM’s ears. And I found out even further that these ‘talking mouths’ are actually on my Friendster list!!

One word of advice to you: shut up!! I have never, and I won’t, hide the fact that I hate RM for everything he has done to me and my friends. And I hate the fact that you and your neverending-need for gossip actually gave this guy ammunition to be used against me. And to think that I actually considered you a friend!!

Karma goes in a circle. I don’t have to look for you, I don’t even have to talk to you or confront you. All I have to do is wait for fate to do its job. Karma found RM, you think it won’t find you? Think about it the next time you feel like ‘talking’.

As usual, just when you think life is shitty, things start to look bright and you start to believe in hope again. The thing is, once everything is back on track, you tend to forget the shitty parts ever happened. Me, I want to take this chance to just kick back and enjoy whatever good things that are happening now.

Ok, this entry might make no sense whatsoever, but just bear with me, alrite? Warning: mindless babbling is inevitable. If you can’t take the nonsense, you are welcome to stop reading.

Picture this scenario. Let’s say there are two fruits; an apple and an orange. And let’s say you’re holding an apple, which you love and have always eaten, but you also want the orange, which you really like but rarely get the chance to eat. You have only one choice and can only pick one fruit. Which would you pick? Would you put the apple down and take the orange? Or would you stick with your apple?

Depending on the person (personality, way of thinking, mindset, etc), he/she would pick either the apple or the orange. Someone who dislikes change would stick with the apple ‘coz it’s comforting and familiar. Someone who likes to have a change of taste would pick up the orange instead ‘coz it’s different from the norm and something that he/she rarely gets. But this scenario is not mind-boggling or life-changing. I mean, you can always buy the apple or the orange today and come back the next day to get the other fruit. No big deal.

But let’s say that there is only one apple and one orange left in the whole wide world, and you have only enough money to get one fruit. Which would you pick? Would you take the apple, which you love, because you want keep it with you forever and ever (’coz it’s the last apple in the world)? Or would you take the orange, which you really like, because you rarely get it and you really want to eat it? Or would you buy one fruit and slip the other into your pocket?

Common sense would tell you to pick the apple ‘coz you love it. Being the only and last one in the world and something dear to you, you would want to keep it with you forever. But common sense would also tell you to pick the orange ‘coz you really like it and want to taste it. Being the only and last one in the world and something rare to you, you would also want to keep it with you. So which would you pick? The apple or the orange? Me, I can’t make a choice (I don’t think stealing one of the fruits is ‘ethical’ so that’s not an option) so I’ll be standing there, holding the apple in my hand and trying to make a decision until someone comes alone to steal my apple or take the orange, or both, away.